Hey friends, have you noticed in life when things go wrong we tend to look for who to blame. It is so easy to dwell on the person that caused the problem as if that would bring the solution. We are always looking for a scapegoat who will take the fall. A loved one falls sick and we might say it is because we are not praying enough. One doesn’t pass an exam, and we might say it is because we are not reading enough. An accident happens and we say if only you did not cause it. There is a risk that is likely to occur when we take this posture in dealing with people around us. When we are in the habit of looking for who to blame or even blame the person who has the issue, we become judgemental and difficult to be around.
Playing the blame game is not effective in cultivating a thriving environment. So today I want to talk about its effect and how we can shift our perspective. When things go wrong, the first thing that comes to mind shouldn’t be; whose fault is it? Thinking like this will shift everyone’s energy from looking for a solution for the issue to looking for who to put the blame on. Playing the blame game is more backward thinking than forward thinking. Don’t get me wrong, I believe there is room for lessons learnt, but lessons learnt should be based on how to improve the process not on how to put a label on someone. Putting a label on someone does not improve the process, it attacks a person’s character. So what are the negative effects of blame? Playing the blame game does not encourage one to explore or innovate or try new things. This is because no one wants to be the one who messed it all up when things do not go according to plan. This stiffens creativity and keeps us in the loop of recycling the old and not being adventurous. We are creative beings just like our heavenly father and should not be afraid of exploring our world.
Blaming people can affect our growth and development in life. Take for instance a student that loves maths and planned to be a mathematician abandons the dream because a particular maths teacher in high school was not encouraging. You see when we blame others we put the power of our progress on them. We give everyone else but us the power. We feel stuck in our thinking cos all we are dwelling on is who is responsible for the result we have. In this case I want to encourage you to take your power back. Don’t expend your energy in just looking for who to blame for your life’s journey. It’s easier to play the blame game than the solution game but do not choose this easy way out. Always ask yourself when you are about to fall into the blame game; what’s the way forward?
Another angle of blaming to point out is blaming yourself. This can be very unproductive and can keep us hiding and playing small in life. Listen friend, we all make mistakes, we try something that we thought would work and for some reason it didn’t work. We sometimes behave below what we expect but it is important we learn from our mistakes and move on instead of either blaming ourselves and staying stuck, or shifting the blame on others and yet staying stuck; either way blaming should not be encouraged. What has happened has happened but what can I do to move forward and not just stay stuck?
Another effect of playing the blame game is that it does not encourage team work. When we fall into the habit of blaming people we find it difficult working as a team. We struggle to make a decision as a team, we are not a strong team player. There is a saying I grew up with; United we stand, divided we fall. Blaming brings division in a team and therefore hinders the progress of the team. I know that working with someone has its challenges because of the different personalities that each team player has but when you get it right, a team achieves more and goes farther than one person will go. So when things don’t go right while working as team, instead of looking for who to blame look for how to improve your processes by conducting a lessons learnt on the process not on the individual. Remember no one is perfect and everyone is doing the best they can given the situation they are in. No one wants to be the centre of a blame or as we say the scapegoat, so this can hold people back from expressing their ideas in a team. But by having a healthy team dynamics of not looking for who to blame but looking for the solution, the way forward and talking about the lessons to learn from the situation, the team members will be encouraged to voice out their opinion and therefore create a thriving team, be it as a family or otherwise.
So instead of looking for someone to take the fall, look for the way forward. Instead of staying stuck in your life by blaming someone else for keeping you there, look for the way forward. Instead of being hard on yourself for the mistakes you made, push past that, pick yourself up and move forward. Shake the shame of blame off you and turn down that negative voices in your head or your world, trying to keep you in the blame. Dust yourself up and keep moving forward. Remember no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes so take your power back and stop the blame game, either through blaming others or blaming yourself. Until next time my friend, it is your host Sylvia Nwokolo, reminding you to keep winning, shining and thriving in life. God bless.
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