Hey friends Its Sylvia Nwokolo, and I'm glad you have joined me on this journey to enlighten you to thrive and be all that you were purposed to be. Today I want to talk about not doing life alone. How important is it even as an introvert? I can never get bored of my own company and the stuff I do on my own keeps me pretty busy. There is also the benefit of withdrawing to recharge so that you are not constantly drained especially when you have been involved in a lot of stimulating external activities. Having said that I really want to make a case for not doing life alone. You might be keeping to yourself and going about your life on your own especially if you are living miles away from wider family due to relocation of some sort. It feels straight forward to just face your job daily and busy yourself raising your kids and taking care of your immediate family. While that might be a priority for you, as human beings we were made to connect. We need human connection to thrive. While it is true that you are quite satisfied doing life alone, there is a beautiful verse that says the world of the generous gets larger and larger. Then you might say, Sylvia you are not getting it, I am not interested in expanding my life in that way, I like being on my own. Then I should remind you that there is more to life than that, your purpose in life is to use your gift to serve others, to better your world because it is in the meaningful service of others that you thrive. Apart from your spouse and children, it is beneficial to have some key relationships in your life to keep you thriving; you would want your spouse and children to have meaningful connections as well. If you don’t enjoy making friends, don’t freak out at the thought of finding these friendships or connection. I’m here to help. So lets talk about how you can have meaningful connections.
First is to shift your perspective, notice I didn’t say change your perspective cos I am not telling you to change from being you, from being an introvert, from deriving your strength from within. I mean shift your perspective that is take it to another level, the level of recognising that people need me as much as I need them. You have so much life experience to teach others as much as they have to learn from you. So let them into your world. Be open to finding meaningful connection. And while you are open to it, pray about it – yes I strongly believe in seeking wisdom from God for divine connection. What does being open to it mean? It means being friendly yourself. Give others an opportunity to interact with you and know you more. You don’t have to pretend in front of others to gain friendship, just be your authentic self so you that you attract the people that are meant for you. If you pretend to be someone other than yourself to make friends, you would have to keep the friendship up that way, keep pretending to maintain that friend, and that in itself is exhausting. So remain genuine and have genuine conversations. You have to remember that you are enough as you are and that you have something to give your world, don’t try to be someone else. Having this perspective takes the pressure off you. Stay open to interacting with others but don’t feel pressured; be genuine. The right one will stay.
Now where do you find these connections or friendships? Start from where you go to regularly; are you involved with school runs, have conversations one to one with the parents and even the teachers – teachers are not exempted. Are there friendly people at your work place? Are there church meetings you frequently go to? Do you volunteer anywhere? Do you go to any network events? Be open to having one on one conversations to let people into your world. From these conversation there will be one or few people that would naturally interest you or you them. Then think of taking it further based on what interest you both have – I feel like I’m coaching you on going on a date haha - not so; its just that we tend to forget that having meaning friendships can flow in a similar way. Ok so like I was saying, You take the conversation further by meeting more consistently mostly in the place or context of what interest both of you. I made a friend while becoming running partners, we both loved running and had a lot to talk about during and after our running sessions. I have another that started as a praying partner and we have grown so close - in fact because I love praying, I tend to make friends that way. So for you my friend, there is a friend waiting for you in that area of your interest; just remain open. Of course with this comes vulnerability. I don’t mean vulnerable in the sense of sharing all your life details with someone else. I mean vulnerable in terms of asking, asking to meet up and open to being turned down. That’s totally ok, you don’t want the other person to say yes to meet up just cos they don’t want to hurt your feelings. The interest should be mutual so I welcome any turn down or refusal as progress. So it’s ok to be vulnerable in that way, the right person or people will eventually show up. And of course you might start meeting up with someone and find out that they are affecting you negatively; be smart and don’t hesitate to cut off from them. You are an adult and so you should not shy away from making such decisions. Kids can find it a bit more tricky and need more counsel on how to cut off because they are stuck in the same school environment for at least 6 years, seeing the same people / friends, but it is still possible to do it. Even if you’ve had a not so good experience with friendship in the past, don’t be afraid to be open again in meeting another person and don’t be afraid to stand alone till you find the right connection. To give an analogy, Would you decide that because you hated the food served to you in a particular restaurant, then you would not eat in any other restaurant again? or worse still; you would not eat food again? So my friend don’t do life alone because of negative friendship experiences. Don’t hide yourself from others. Remember that no one is perfect so in your quest to build meaningful relationships, embrace the other person's differences and imperfections. Don’t hide your imperfections from others, others have them too. Don’t hide your genius from others, others need them too. Don’t hide your busyness from others, others are busy too but want to make space for you. We all need the right connection; find yours and watch yourself thriving even more.
Until next time my friend, its your host Sylvia Nwokolo reminding you to keep winning, shining and thriving. God bless.
Sylvia Nwokolo is a Wellbeing Transformation Coach and Author.
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